Secret Agent Man
by LC Rose
Summary: Kagome has a dream that convinces her that her night time self is certifiable. **inspired by a chat with rOo and fortunesque on Dokuga, 1/4/09** COMPLETE!


DISCLAIMER: The characters of InuYasha are not mine, they are property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Yomiuri TV, Sunrise, and Viz. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

**Secret Agent Man**

Kagome was known as an oddity, of sorts.

Okay, she was known as just being plain out odd. If it wasn't the way she chose to dress, it was the words she said. If it wasn't her strangely fluctuating abilities, it was the actions and views she took. Everyone of her close friends knew of these oddities. Well, almost all of them. Kagome never told them of her dreams; which to her were even more 'unique' –to put it nicely—than anything else about her and she damn well wasn't about to give everyone a valid reason for those strange looks!

The dreams started out safely...enough. Her friends here just took on roles in whatever her mind chose to contrive for that evening's rest. Then they started to become more and more erratic and Kagome was having difficulties either keeping a straight face the next morning or being scared for her life if anyone of them learned of what her mind did to them in her sleep.

Then came that night. The night Kagome was sure convinced her that her nighttime self was certifiably insane.

It had all started out innocent enough. She could think of nothing that had happened previously that would have helped along such a dream. They'd camped out under the stars, sharing dinner and conversation as usual. Miroku found himself unconscious long before everyone else decided to turn in. She and Sango had bathed together and "girl talked". Kagome had read to Shippou from the book of children's tales she'd brought from home for him. Inuyasha had been his usual self and stayed up in the trees, keeping watch and throwing out comments every once in a while. Then she'd bedded down near the fire with Shippou curled up near her and her sleeping bag. Sango, as per usual, had laid down near Miroku--which Kagome found to be hilarious all in itself. She'd turned to Inuyasha, seeking out the hanyou's bright eyes in the darkness, and given him a smile and whispered goodnight before closing her eyes.

Then the torture had begun.

She'd come to find herself in some sort of dance club. At least, she guessed it was a dance club as most of her time these days was spent in the past where dance clubs didn't exist. There were bright lights of various colors flashing randomly from lights strung above and she felt as if there was a thrum of music in the air, but she couldn't hear anything. The large room held several spots of complete darkness and was entirely empty. And she was dressed as if she were going out dancing in high heels and a tight little black dress that she'd never seen before.

Kagome was just about to start forward when the theme from Spy Hunter blasted out of the two large speakers dominating the front of the club. If it wasn't shocking enough to hear the theme song from a Nintendo video game that Souta hadn't played in ages, Kagome was nearly floored when Inuyasha fell from the ceiling, rolling to a graceful stop in the middle of the floor with his fingers cocked like he was holding a gun. The hanyou didn't even seem to realize she was there as his eyes shifted left to right and the Spy Hunter theme continued to play in the background. Kagome was just starting to get mad about being ignored--it was _her_ dream after all-- when Inuyasha suddenly straightened from his crouch and a flash of white caught her vision.

She turned to see this new development when none other than Sesshoumaru strolled through the large double doors of the dance club decked out in a black suit with sunglasses on his face. His hands were buried in the pockets of his pants, but there was still a feeling of foreboding coming from him. Kagome's mouth dropped open. Sesshoumaru had never played any real parts in her dreams before. Turning to look over at Inuyasha, who had been previously dressed in his red fire rat robes, she was not surprised to find him in a similar outfit. "What the hell is going on!?" she'd yelled.

Unexpectedly, both of her dream companions turned to look at her as if just seeing her for the first time. Sesshoumaru smirked at her, withdrawing his own gun cocked fingers from his pocket, just as Inuyasha made a lunge for her. Kagome felt herself being knocked down just as Sesshoumaru said, "Bang."

"Stupid random foreign chick," Inuyasha cursed as he covered her with his body. "Always where you're not suppose to be."

"What?!"

Inuyasha ignored her words and pointed his own cocked finger back towards Sesshoumaru. "Bang!" he shouted just as Sesshoumaru dove behind a conveniently placed pillar. Then Kagome found herself being hauled up and dragged towards another pair of doors by Inuyasha.

As they passed through the doors the whole dream scape shifted and Kagome found she and Inuyasha racing through the woods. A look behind her revealed Sesshoumaru to be in hot pursuit but still merely walking along. Amazingly he was keeping up with their pace even though they were running. And even more amazing was that she was able to be running still dressed as she was and still wearing the highest heels she'd ever seen before.

Suddenly Inuyasha stopped, causing her to crash into his back. He turned to her, grabbed her by her arms, and spun her away from him, wiggling her body slightly in place. "Boob shot!" he yelled before grabbing her hand one more and dragging her along.

It took her a moment to realize what exactly had happened.

"Boob shot!" Kagome screeched just as they came to another jarring stop.

She looked around them, but Sesshoumaru was nowhere in sight. Fuming, Kagome turned towards the hanyou that she would murder now. "It's obligatory," he explained in a rush. "Now hold on to this very important piece of information and don't let anyone get a hold of it!"

Her mind automatically made her take the simple looking brown paper bag in hand instead of smacking the hanyou silly like she really wanted to. Inuyasha moved a few feet away from her, his clawed hand once more cocked like a gun and his ears twitching as they listened for whatever it was he thought there was to hear.

Then Sesshoumaru was upon them. Or, actually, he was upon her. As in standing directly behind her, one arm wrapped around her waist and the other, still cocked like a gun, pointed at her throat. "Don't move, Agent Yasha," Sesshoumaru said with a smirk. "Or the random foreign chick gets it."

Inuyasha took on a deceptively, or at least Kagome hoped it was deceptively done, easy stance with a mocking tilt to his lips. "Well if it ain't my arch nemesis, Arch Enemy Sessho."

"That's Mr. Maru to you, boy," Sesshoumaru replied. "Mr. Sessho Maru."

Kagome groaned from her place of entrapment. She really needed to work on her dream's chosen names for people. This was down right pathetic.

She was just about to voice her own complaints to the two "agents" in her midst when Inuyasha suddenly dove forward, tackling her and Sesshoumaru. She hadn't expected the daiyoukai to fall backwards. He seemed made of steel in her "real" life. But fall backwards he did and she went down with them.

Because she was dreaming and her mind had a mind of its own—kami that didn't really make sense—they did not land on the hard forest ground. No. That would have been too logical for her brain. They fell once more back into the dance club and right smack into the middle of a large mud pit that resembled something she'd seen on TV once. It was of women mud wrestling and she'd quickly changed the channel. But that was eons ago—literally and figuratively—and Kagome didn't understand why that had popped into her mind _then_. Of course she wasn't really given time to muddle over her circumstances as she was squished in between Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha, who were in the midst of flinging mud at each other and shouting insults.

Somehow Kagome managed to wiggle herself free from in between the two males who, as she stood up covered in mud, stopped fighting long enough to ogle her and both say at the same time, "Boob shot!" before going back to their previous activities.

Kagome waded off to the side of the pit and found herself sitting down, somehow enjoying the show of watching Inuyasha and his brother mud wrestle before her. It was downright entertaining as the two brothers had taken to having what, in her time, was known as a cat fight. Complete with hair pulling, even. "Ow!" Inuyasha yelled as he apparently had pulled his own hair trying to get to Sesshoumaru.

That made Kagome giggle, which brought both males' eyes back to her. Then Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed in a way that Kagome had seen before. Of course, that look normally followed some form of mauling in waking life and Kagome found herself standing once more, about to struggle the rest of the way out of the mud pit. But as in real life, Sesshoumaru was faster than any human and he was once more standing before her, spotless even though he'd previously been rolling in the mud with his brother. "Give it to me," he said.

Kagome suddenly remembered the plain brown paper bag she'd been given by Inuyasha—which popped back into existence just for this scene—and the desire to protect it at all costs filled her to the brim. "Never," she shot back.

"Random foreign chicks are expendable," Sesshoumaru said as he reached for the bag once more.

Then Inuyasha was once more pouncing on his brother's back. Kagome was most pleased by this action of rescue, but then Sesshoumaru's hand—which had previously been reaching out for the bag in her hands—slipped and gripped the top of her flimsy black dress. As Inuyasha's weight drove Sesshoumaru to the ground, her dress went with him even though she remained standing.

Kagome screeched and moved to cover herself only to realize that large black blocks were hovering over where her private bits were. She stared down in horror at the two males at her feet. Both were looking up at her. "Obligatory frontal nudity," Inuyasha said as he jumped back up to his feet. "Time for the credits to roll."

Then he snatched the bag out of her hands and swung up a conveniently placed nearby stripper pole (that Kagome was sure just hadn't been there a few second ago) fireman style only backwards. Kagome turned wide eyes to look at Sesshoumaru, who was once more standing. He shook his fist upwards to where Inuyasha had disappeared. "I'll get you next time, Agent Yasha!"

Then Sesshoumaru had turned to her, a delightfully evil twinkle in his eyes. "So, Miss Random Foreign Chick, how do you feel about being with a bad boy?" He gave a wiggle of his eyebrows, much like Miroku, as he continued. "I like my drinks shaken. Just like I like my boob shots."

And that had been just too much for Kagome's mind to handle and she'd woken up in a sweat, practically panting.

In an instant, Inuyasha had been by her side. "Are you alright, Kagome?" he'd asked, his normal gruffness absent as he took in her shaking form.

Kagome just shook her head yes and laid back down, eyes still wide open. Inuyasha gave a huff of annoyance and jumped back up into his previous position while Kagome struggled to regain her composure. She didn't think she'd be able to fall back asleep after that. And she prayed, truly prayed, that they didn't run into Sesshoumaru any time soon as the only thought her mind supplied her was: How did Sesshoumaru like his boob shots?

_Fin._

a/n: This bit of a dabble was inspired by a chat room conversation between myself, rOo, and fortunesque on Dokuga, 1/4/09. Disclaimer applies for everything....maybe even the story line. If you'd like to read the actual events that took place, check out the Dokuga Dictionary entry for "Spontaneously Random Bouts of Role Playing" or sometimes known as SRBRP in the Dokuga forum.


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